I had a dream come true referred to me the other day. I read this guy’s profile and I’ll be honest – he’s the kind of guy, in the kind of situation, that would be perfect for me. No real issues stood out – seems to be the only reason he hasn’t married is because his job put him in a bizarre position for the last few years. He changed his job and is ready to settle down and start his family. He came to the right girl!
After talking to him on the phone a few times, I was even more impressed. This guy was legit and I could hardly wait to meet him in person. Now- you need to know that as a Matchmaker I am very adamant about my rules…even my own personal rules. I don’t date my clients. Never have, never will. There’s reasoning behind this. If I go into any sort of matchmaking situation with anything but pure intentions to find them the love of their life – I mess the whole process up! If I meet a man and am secretly hoping he’ll find me irresistible- you better believe I’m not about to set him up with the best gals I’ve got! So there we sit…him waiting for me to set him up with his future wifey, and me waiting for him to realize I’m his wifey….see??? One big loop of waiting that never gets resolved. So…I don’t date my clients.
But…that doesn’t mean I don’t try to put my best foot forward and look my best! I’d obviously be stupid and stay single into the eternities if I didn’t at least try to do that! Then…if some fine young (maybe old?) chap see’s I’m what he wants I trust that he’ll do something about it, release himself from my clientele, and have some guts to make a move for what he wants.
Well- the time came and I was going to get to meet this great potential client in person. Typically, in my primary interviews with clients- I dig deep. I ask some pretty personal questions – and I have a specific reason to everything I ask. Knowing this was my chance to learn all the good stuff about this new guy…I came up with a few ‘extra’ questions I wanted him to tell me all about.
So we met, and I asked away. He was just as awesome in person as I had hoped he would be. In that hour and a half I feel like I briefly learned about every aspect of his life. I had a good summary of who this guy was and why. He was a leader, he was genuine, empathetic, and hard working,- he’d been through some junk and still stuck close to the gospel, he was kind, he wasn’t afraid of commitment, and he even mentioned he didn’t mind a girl with some curves…I was in love!!! But…I kept it together and reminded myself I was out to find him someone other than myself to fill his every desire.
I got to Matchmaking work…thinking of all the great girls that would be so lucky to get to know this great catch! He called a few times after our initial meeting and it seemed he was beginning to cross the line of ‘client calling matchmaker.’ – And then he spit it out. He said, and I quote, “Tristen, let’s call a spade a spade. I was coming to meet you to see if you and I actually had any potential.” I was struck dumb…and hadn’t thought for a second those were his intentions. Remember, I go into strictly Matchmaking mode upon meeting a potential client…even if I sorta wish it were otherwise. And then he hit me with a real doozie. He said, “And Tristen- I have to tell you I was really left disappointed by you.”
Umm…excuse me??? Disappointed?? What in the world was he talking about?? He proceeded to tell me that he felt I was really cold towards him and wouldn’t open up to him – and that was very disappointing. Was this guy kidding me? He was MY CLIENT! This was a client INTERVIEW! This was the time for me to ask a zillion questions and listen to whatever he felt so inclined to tell me. This was NOT the time for me to share my personal answers to every question I asked. I was so confused by the offense he took to our initial meeting?!
But then what was even more confusing was the fact that I thought he was such a legit type of guy- and outside of matchmaking I would have been interested in him. So I was left on that phone call first trying to defend myself, and then trying to somehow make a better impression on him and make him re-think his interest level in me.
What a joke! After that lame-o phone call and a few hours to think about what in the world just happened…I was irritated! If the guy wanted to know about me then he should have asked me out on a date. I’m a great conversationalist and would have told him every little thing he’d have wanted to know…ON A DATE! You wanna judge me on date behavior…then let’s go on a date and judge away. We were NOT on a date, we were meeting as professional adults…except only one of us acted professional.
Now guess where I am with this potential client…? Nowhere! I have zero desire to fix him up because he was so completely confusing and frankly that’s annoying. Moral of this story…you want to get to know a girl…then ask the girl out!
Amen. If he wanted to see if the two of you had any potential he shouldn’t have tried to be your client. He should have asked out…because thats what a date is for, not a BUSINESS meeting.
So true! I don’t think enough men are willing to take the “risk” of asking a girl out. It just leaves us as girls guessing and looking silly.
Isn’t this exactly the type of guy who needs your help? A quality guy that’s got some communication issues with the lades.
If I were to be your client I would be paying for your professional help with exactly those types of communication issues. Even if you set me up with my perfect girl it wouldn’t do any good unless I could communicate with her.
You’re exactly right – and I’d probably focus on that quite a bit as communication is hugely important. When my annoyance wears off I’m sure I’ll be more than thrilled to enlighten this potential client as to where his communication skills were lacking. Not to mention my telling him now wouldn’t do any good – he for sure thinks he’s brilliant in that department…a little time will bring a little more clear vision for him. Thanks for the comment and glad you know the importance of chit-chat! xoxo
I find that so true. Guys don’t man up to ask girls out as much and its irritating. Tristen your an amazing girl and he obviously still has his blind fold on to not see how incredible you are.
Ha!- He’s a great guy and if the situation was a bit different I’m sure we would have hit it off and he would have asked me out. He’s not a wuss…he just went about it a little oddly. And frankly – we’re probably not a real great match in the long run – so soon I’ll be out looking for a great lady for him! xoxo
I love when girls say guys won’t man up to ask girls up. That’s what girls are always telling each other. Guys ask out the girls they want to go out with. If he is interested, he will ask you out.
I’m your biggest supporter on this point and totally agree! In fact if you were to read previous blog posts you’d see I say the same thing quite often. The situation with my client was a bit unique in his way of getting to know me to actually see if he was interested to pursue it further. – Being the ‘matchmaker’ sets the stage a little different than usual. Had I not come off ‘disappointing’ to this potential client I’m sure he would have moved forward and asked me out – he’s definitely man enough to do so! Unfortunately our lack of communication and understood intention provided a bad first impression. -Thanks for your comment…totally agree!
I dont usually post on blogs, but I found this one caught my eye and wouldnt let go. I found this guy’s approach to getting to know you a little unique, but I dont necessarily know if it’s a lost cause, especially since you did state how much you think you and he would “match”. I’ve never met him, so obviously I can’t speak for his usual approach to women, or communication issues etc etc but he actually called you up to tell you that he had been interested. He could have just not been impressed, and then let it go after that. I know this goes against some type of chivalrous LDS code or something, but maybe you could ask him out? (Just for clarification–I am not encouraging this normally nor do I expect a girl to ask me out!) Sounds like you had really liked the guy, and he had probably liked you…maybe you need to give it a second chance. I know people who have married and its been wonderful, even after a horrible “first impression”. In the end, nobody’s going to care that you took the “man’s role”, if it all works out. You’ll laugh at it years down the road…and if it doesnt work out, you’ll still laugh at it, and at least KNOW you gave it all you got, rather than be left wondering “what if…”. Just my 2 cents
I like the 2 cents…and I appreciate them as well. My sister Lindsey would even agree with you! I’ll be honest in a round about way I sort of thought about somehow taking the lead – but I just can’t get myself to do it. I’m a real fair player and will return efforts first made by a man – but I just have a firm belief that if the guy likes you he’ll do something about it. I’m a bit of a unique girl and I’m most definitely not every man’s cup of tea – so I kind of figure I show them what I got and they either love it or leave it. It’s ok if they leave it like this guy did. To be clear – we have spoken a few times since and I’ve not shut his flirtations down – I’m open and willing. But- it makes it pretty awkward for me when I’m not sure if he’s calling me to match him up or to flirt with me. Hence the rule…I don’t date clients. But nevertheless please know I appreciate your comment and think maybe there are times that a route like you suggested is appropriate. xoxo