How many times have you started dating somebody and things were pretty much close to perfection…and then you start feeling all sorts of uncertain about any future possibilities with this person? So… you check out, move onto the next lady (or gent) on your list, all the while giving yourself accolades for the courage to walk away and be true to your feelings. “Good for you,” you tell yourself… “it’s better to be alone then with someone you weren’t quite sure about.” And perhaps it is in the long run – but if this is how you’re feeling within the first month of dating someone – I’m here to tell you to ride it out.
According to Dr. John Gray (a relationship God!) in his book, “Mars and Venus on a Date” (absolutely brilliant dating book!…time to put that on my site’s reading list!) there are 5 stages to dating.
4.Intimacy (doesn’t have to mean sex… fyi)
Attraction- you like them. You’re dating lots of people, but this one particular person is a bit more intriguing than the rest. You assume the next natural move is to pursue that individual into the stage of exclusivity and give it a real go. So…that’s what most of us do – but then you start getting all mixed up in your head.
If you’re a guy maybe you start thinking those other girls who were paying you a lot of attention just a few weeks previous to your ‘exclusivity’ are sounding real tempting. (aka: ‘grass is always lookin’ a little greener’ effect) Or if you’re a girl maybe you start asking yourself very premature questions as to whether or not this boy could in actuality make you happy eternally?
Now here’s where the game changing bit of knowledge comes into play. When those thoughts creep on into your mind early on in the dating process…know that, that is an actual STAGE of dating! We are supposed to feel “uncertain” about things. It is actually the natural progression of a blossoming romance. Anxiety and a lack of confidence may come abruptly and all of a sudden – or slowly creep in as you find yourself repeatedly avoiding spending time with your new ‘fling’ (it’s about to be over so it could only be described as such…right?).
The real key is to acknowledge that uncertainty is bound to happen early on in a relationship. Acknowledge it and move the freak forward! You gotta let it have the chance to move past that stage and see if there is a real connection. Now if you’re feeling all queasy 6 months into an exclusive relationship don’t go ignoring those red flags etc…but if initially you liked the person, you were attracted to them, you envisioned a possible fun future with them at one time not too long ago…KEEP DATING THEM! If you’ve been careful not to pursue other relationships during the ‘uncertainty’ stage then the future will become obvious. Shades of gray will become a black and white choice. You either want to get to know them more… or you don’t. Make your decision then.
So should you stay or should you go??? If you have to even question the choice and it’s not blatantly obvious – ride it out and give things a chance to become clear again. They will…you’re just going through a stage.