So tonight I was out to eat with a client of mine. Nice guy, could use to loose a good 20 lbs (couldn’t we all…bless our hungry little hearts), has a great job, good conversation etc. etc. I had a great time getting to know him better. It’s important for me as a Matchmaker to build a relationship of trust (BRT) with them. This obviously doesn’t happen over night. But I came home finding myself in a bit of a predicament.
For those of you that served missions you know that we BRT first, and then proceed with our message. As concerns pop up along the way we resolve them as they come. So there I was, with my client chit-chatting away – and then- falling out from his full mouth of food, came the concern…and it needed to be resolved! Now had this been a date, I’m sure my disgust would have been more than obvious, perhaps even teetering on a revengeful sense of rude! But… this was my client and I was still building my foundation. So there I sat (in awe at first) watching his full mouth converse away with a splash of masticated hamburger flopping off his tongue onto his plate about every 45 seconds. And then…now here’s the crazy part – I got over it!
Yeah, it was seriously gross. The day for him and I definitely needs to come when I enlighten him as to his bad table manners. His mother might also need to be questioned as to why she never taught him such things. I won’t be sending him out on a date with some fabulous classy girl any day soon. But I came home almost fascinated at my realization and conclusion in all of this.
I’m going to attempt to articulate what I mean…bear with me. If that event tonight had been a dating scenario I would have checked that man right off my list. And to be honest, it would have been hard for me to have any sort of flirtation exchange from that point on. And who could blame a girl….that’s totally gross! However, because it wasn’t a date I didn’t pay it much attention after I got over the initial shock.
Our conversation carried on for about another hour…and I find him perfectly delightful! He’s charming, he’s witty, he’s intelligent, he’s a gentleman,…he’s all these other things that I’m so glad I was able to see.
So I came home grateful for two things. One – that I wasn’t on a date with this guy. And two- that I could see past some nasty habits long enough to get to the really good stuff! So all I have to do (now that we’ve built a decently solid foundation of trust) is find the right time to give him a lesson on table manners. But that will be easy and he will far surpass my expectations I’m sure. The more interesting conclusion tonight to me was recognizing how much we as PICKY and BRATTY young single adults don’t see past a gross habit or two! We allow one small insignificant detail to be the tipping point for us in our immovable conclusion of who someone is.
You gotta know what I mean. Think of one of your closest friends of the opposite sex. Now think of something completely irritating, ugly, embarrassing, or rude they do (or that they are…like they are overweight, they are bald, etc. etc.) that would typically be unattractive or bother you -but doesn’t because you know them so well. Think! I can think of 5 million things that my best guy friends have as a part of them that I don’t mind and might even find funny and charming, and attractive on occasion. But it’s like I have a zero tolerance policy if a guy does any one of those things on a date. Wow…that’s super unfair. Like – crazy style unfair!
Tonight the light clicked on for me. I’m going to figure out a way so that I don’t allow any more ‘trigger’ moments that result in a colossal tipping point where there’s no turning back. So I saw the food he was eating…inside his mouth…floppin’ on his tongue…and spilling out back onto his plate again…big deal…get over it!
Well I did – and I got to know a really really great guy!
ps: Look out ladies…he’s only one table manner lesson away from being the most sought after single male I know!
omgosh, i am dying!!! hahahahahahaha!
For some reason this reminds me so much of what Dr. Brent Barlow said in his Marriage Prep class at BYU. He called it his 80/20 rule. He said something along the lines of accept 20 percent of things that you don’t like. There should be 80 percent compatibility but that other 20 just don’t worry about it (and maybe even forget about it). No two people are completely compatible. For that reason it takes us to look past some of their quirks, misdeeds, likes, dislikes, pet peeves, etc. So what if he likes basketball and you don’t! Throw that into the 20 category. And as for the other 80 percent, enjoy it, share it, and live it! You will have more in common than not in the end.