You are so Arrogant…

Oh good ‘ol Gordon taught us a lot about about what we should be concerned about right now in our lives.  And it seems to me he’s telling us we’re weird (not normal) if this isn’t our focus!

…Every normal young man desires a wife. Every normal young woman desires a husband. Be worthy of the mate you choose. …This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry. …Marry the right person in the right place at the right time. …Choose a companion of your own faith. …Be fiercely loyal one to another. … (“Life’s Obligations”)

…I hope you will not put off marriage too long. I do not speak so much to the young women as to the young men whose prerogative and responsibility it is to take the lead in this matter. Don’t go on endlessly in a frivolous dating game. Look for a choice companion, one you can love, honor, and respect, and make a decision. (“Thou Shalt Not Covet”)

So this is to be our focus…great…we get it.  But – are we going about it all wrong???  Oh you better believe a whole lot of us probably are.  Leave it to Elder Bednar in an interview with Sheri Dew to give it to us straight.

Sheri asked if there was anything the Bednar’s would like to say by way of counsel as Young Single Adults go through the really significant process of finding their eternal companion.   I am OBSESSED with Elder Bednar’s response.

As we visit with young adults all over the church often they will ask, “Well what are the characteristics I should look for in a future spouse?”  – As though they have some checklist of  ‘I need to find someone who has these three or four or five things.’  And I rather forcefully say to them, “You are so arrogant –  to think that you are some catch and that you want someone else who has these five things for you.  If you found somebody who had these three or four or five characteristics that you’re looking for what makes you think they’d want to marry you?

The list is not for evaluating someone else, the list is for you, for me, and what I or you need to become.  And so if there are three primary characteristics that I hope to find in an eternal companion, then those are the three things  I oughta be working to become. – Then it will be attractive to someone who has those things.  So my advice is you’re not on a shopping spree looking for the greatest value with a series of characteristics.  You become what you hope your spouse will be and you’ll have a greater likelihood of finding that person. ( “Conversations: Episode 1:Elder and Sister Bednar“)

Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles offered this counsel:

“If the choice is between reforming other Church members (including bf’s, gf’s, fiancés etc…) or ourselves, is there really any question about where we should begin? The key is to have our eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others—not the other way around! The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings.” (Elder Maxwell, “A Brother Offended”)

So if you’re wondering what you should be doing in your life right now, you now know you should first be desiring to get married. Then…it’s time to make a list.  And then maybe post that list on your mirror so you’re checking to see if YOU actually meet your own set of standards!  Time to focus on becoming the right person for someone else. That’s when you’re going to be recognized by your dream come true!!!


ps: just made a list.


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3 Responses to You are so Arrogant…

  1. Katie Eberling says:

    I pretty much LOVE this. I love it when people are bold and tell you exactly what you need to hear even when it’s not “nice”. That is empowering and forces you to take action. That’s what this post did for me. Thanks to you and thanks to Elder Bednar

  2. Adam says:

    Fantastic advice! :) Time to become what we want. That’s a new take on the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule revised edition of course. :)

  3. Danielle Barney says:

    Digging through the archives, (while I am supposed to be working) and I came across this gem. DEFINITELY what I needed to read at this point and time in my life. I feel like I have an extensive checklist of requirements for my Eternal Companion that every single man I have dated has fallen short to meet, so I break it off and move on. This is eternity we are talking about, and I am NOT going to settle! (arrogance at its finest) I always thought that I held myself to high standards, but this was a much needed reminder to make sure that I actually do! :)

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