DTR…Define the Relationship. Just thinking about having a “DTR” makes my stomach churn. Men might think they are the only ones cringing when a girl wants to discuss exactly what their ‘relationship’ means. They are wrong. Any normal women also hates them. Most women probably don’t quite realize they hate them…after all they are the ones most often initiating that kind of discussion – so why would they despise them?
Well if you women think for a second- back in your dating history about the times when you’ve felt the need for a “DTR” you’ll realize it actually was an unwanted conversation. Unwanted,…yet you felt it was necessary because you were confused as to where you stood. It’s not fun to lack confidence, security, and a mutual understanding of the relationship you’re in.
So how do you avoid the need for such a dreadful conversation? Here’s how:
MEN: Do what the man is suppossed to do in a relationship. Be the initiator, the pursuer, the hunter. We’ve all got roles. If you forgot exactly what yours is go re-read “The Family Proclamation.” Traditionally – in regards to dating, it was the man’s job to risk rejection first, by asking the woman out on a date and making efforts to impress her. It was then the woman’s decision whether to pursue something with him. When dating follows these guidelines a woman can feel secure in knowing where she stands and won’t be smothering the man with desperate neediness. Follow these traditional guidelines and you’ll actually be acting like a man!
Men…you are suppossed to help her feel confident. You help her to feel that way and she will be more attractive to you! The more attractive she is, the more you will want to continue the courting process, and then you’ll finally feel like you’ve actually found someone you’re willing to commit to! In summary – if you’re on the unfortunate end of an unwanted “DTR” it’s your own fault. You’ve got to help her to help you.
Women: Stop being so aggressive in dating. It’s one thing to be pro-active if you’re single and opportunities to date aren’t coming your way. It’s a whole different ball game when you start asking men out and having non-committal relationships! Women today who are out hooking up (regardless if you’re talking LDS style hook up or worldly style hook up – they both mean physical intimacy outside the context of any sort of commitment) tell me about feeling confused after doing so because they just aren’t sure if the guy they made out with wants a relationship…and most often it ends up that they don’t!
You want to stay vulnerable??? Then keep hooking up with boys before there’s any commitment and you surely will. You will also find yourself waiting endlessly by the phone for him to call you and define the status of the relationship. Come on girls – you know that’s embarrassing.
So – this is what you do ladies. You stop being the girl they can just ‘hang out’ with. ‘Hanging out’ leads to casual ‘hooking up,’ and ‘hooking up’ leads to your being needy because you don’t have confidence in the pretend relationship you think you’ve begun to build. And then before you know it, you’re stalking him wanting a horrid and premature DTR!!! The only result you’ll get from following this pattern is your name being synonymous with DRAMA in his mind.
In conclusion…stick with your roles. Girls stop blaming the boys of our generation with an inability to commit. This may be true with some, but it’s a poor generalization for the entire male species in my opinion. Help them to help you…give them a reason and a desire to commit. Boys stop humoring the aggressive girls that encourage your lazy behavior and start acting like men! Follow this advice so we can rid the world of those nasty little chats called DTR’s!!!